I'd rather have roses on my table than diamonds on my neck. ~Emma Goldman

Cusco Documentation:

I have been waiting for the week that just ended since the end of april last year. Anticipation for one week, and now its over. I don’t want to glorify it because I want to remember it how it was, but its hard not to glorify it now because I miss them so stinking much. It was hard, really hard, but so so good. It was hard because it was an emotional rollercoaster, but it was good because it feels like home.

When something makes you happy, don’t let go of it ever, even if it seems impossible. I think the deeper you feel happiness, the deeper you can understand what others are thinking, how others are hurting. Being with the kids at Sunflower, put happiness into perspective. By living their life, that’s what I mean by putting happiness into perspective…and I even lived a sheltered version of their life… because I had my own room for a couple of days, woke up at 7, and went where I wanted to go, oh and I had money to spend how I wanted it. For example if I wanted an ice cream, I could get an ice cream. And I had my own supply of water bottles, and I didn’t have to make my bed and sweep my room every morning, or wet my hair in the morning. And when the kids were getting yelled at, it wasn’t directed at me in the slightest bit. Instead I rather had to convince them to let me help them in the kitchen. So I also had to fight the superior, them cater to me feeling and assure them that they needed to put me to work.

Here is their daily schedule: wake up at 5 am. Do chores: ie. make bed, sweep, mop, make breakfast, carry water up to the orphanage. 6 am scripture study for a half an hour with all the kids. 6:30-7:30 am finish chores, get dressed for school (wear uniforms), wet and comb hair (in the freezing cold), 7:30-7:45 am eat breakfast, then get to school by 8… but time is loose so they basically run off to school and get there as soon as they can. Then school until 1:30. Lunch at 2. More chores. They have to sweep and mop the kitchen after every meal. Prepare dinner (peel potatoes, and cut vegetables) For some reason, there seems like there is always something that they have to do. Then there is homework, and dinner. Then after dinner they have some playtime and then they watch a soap opera until 8:30 pm. Then they go to their rooms and get ready for bed. And this is life. The older boys help out in the kitchen and work at the orphanage and care for the farm land and crops. And go to school on Sundays.

I flew Wed and got there at 3:30. Leo picked us up early and took us to where the kids were… they were eating dinner with a group of Generations Humanitarian volunteers. I walked in and waves of joy hit me in the face. I was so surprised because they grew. I wasn’t expecting them to look different. Yaison had long hair! He swung it to the side like Justin beiber. What the! I sat next to romario and christofer and across from evelin. They all gave me hugs but they were quiet at first. Edy was crying when the group left. It was really sad. He sat on my lap in the car to the bus stop. He got close to a boy they called Jackie chan. I couldn’t believe I was for real with them. When we were waiting to get on a bus, they warmed up and I was jumping all around on the inside. I wanted to talk to all of them at the same time and hug them at the same time, but since that is pretty much physically impossible, I tried to calm down. Then we got onto a bus and fit 24 of us in 8 seats (with some in the isle). Edy sat on my lap again and totally numbed my leg for 2 hours. I talked with Hilario while we stood but the kids wanted me to sit down. The past 2 times I have felt especially draw to hilario because I feel like I need to show him that he always has someone who cares for him. But this time I wanted to do what was best for him. And I knew I was only going to be here for a week. So I kept that at the forefront of my mind. And let him distance himself but at the same kept him close. He gets moody often and it tested my patience. Sometimes I ask/ed myself “why am I going back? Why am I here? Does it do more good than harm or more harm than good?” But I always keep coming back to the reasoning… its for the kids. Its to show them that there are so much people that love them and we would all come back if we could. Sometimes we can and we will keep trying. There are people fighting for them even when it seems like there is no one. The first time, they welcomed us with open arms and hands. But that was the shell. Not being associated with a group, it was different. And being with them all the time for a couple of weeks their layers peeled off, and then I saw that they were normal kids with lots of feelings. And then going back this time, I had already peeled those layers and wanted to get to where we left off as soon as possible so that I could get deeper. But I couldn’t rush them and they opened up on their own time. For example, porfita never talked to me except when I asked her how she was. Even though I couldn’t understand them a ton of the time, I understand and talked to them a whole ton better than last time. Some of the hardest times were I couldn’t completely understand what they were saying but I got the gist of it. In the kitchen specifically, I got the gist of it. It makes me sad that they think Americans are money pits who make tons of money. Because there are so many groups that go to the sunflower and buy mounds of things for the kids. So my goal was to help them understand that I actually do not have hardly any money. I worked when they worked, I tried to wake up when they woke up, I ate what they ate, I wore one pair of pants for a week, and tried to only take what I needed at all times. And for the most part it was successful… at least I thought it was. It was frustrating when the first questions they asked was how much does that cost or when are you leaving. But I tried to understand that those are the first questions because people constantly come and go… and those people are Americans who can all afford plane tickets and fancy hotels. Fancy as in warm showers and computers. While on the topic of showers, yes 1 shower for the week. But it is true, I am getting an education and I did buy a plane ticket. This part is true. Someone said this the other day and I like it, “money is meant to be spent, but just wisely.” And lately I’ve been a cheap fanatic… but that was reassuring to hear.

But anyways, after joking around and kicking around a soccer ball, we literally squeezed to the back of the bus. It was so exciting to take it all in, all the kids squished around me. It was then that I again realized they had all grown up a little. I could still gobble them up because of their cuteness but they are in their teens and embarrassed of that. Kind of sad. When we got in, we ate dinner and talked until we had to go to bed. Adril stayed at the sunflower… and it was like reuniting with a long lost friend… and of course one of the first things was… bethanie! He is a great boy. If I trust anyone, it would be him. Having only a week really frightened me, but when I prayed about it, it calmed me. We are not responsible for each other’s happiness or well-being (so to speak in most circumstances) because we have free agency. We can do everything in our power to be good influences, but the spirit changes people. And what better way to bring the spirit than to show someone you love them. So above all, I think by showing someone you care for them no matter what, it fosters a happiness that will last long after you are separated. You know what is also kind of crazy, is praying for someone in a different country for so long, then being face to face and thinking that you this is the person you have been praying for them this whole time. That was really hard for me, to be praying for someone so far away and not hearing anything. I can’t imagine having a kid who was kidnapped and all of a sudden they just disappear… praying and praying for them every day and never knowing their whereabouts. That seems like it would just drive a person completely insane. I made a goal that night, to be sensitive to everyone’s needs and not just the kids that I especially liked. Because there is one specific girl who is very needy and it is easy to overlook her because she is so needy but she has feelings just like all the others. For example, one night, she was present when one of the kids was waiting for me to give him his chocolate that he earned by drawing me a picture. He told her what he was getting and she wanted one too of course. So I came out and she said that he was getting a piece of candy. And I said, no he is not. And she said yes he is. And then the boy called her a liar. And it really upset her and she sulked away into the tools room. I got distracted for a little while, but then remembered that she needed some compassion. She didn’t want me to touch her and refused to make eye contact. I told her I loved her and she shook her head and kept shaking it. I talked to her for a little (it was dinner time… so we needed to get to dinner) and so I had thought I talked her into coming to dinner… but she turned and walked towards the dormitories and cried in her room. My presence obviously really upset her even more. So her younger brother was walking down the pathway… and I told him to bring his sister to dinner. He was adorable. He was like come one Maria. Whats the matter. Its okay. Come on Maria. ( he is 8). And he talked her into coming to dinner after a couple of minutes. I waited for them outside the dormitories. On their walkway up, He turned around and gave me a thumbs up and motioned for me to come to dinner too. I was really touched by his compassion and smartness and realization of the situation. I don’t know, maybe all 8 year olds would do that but he is a small guy so he just looks a lot younger than an average 8 yr old. But had I not made that goal there would have been several times I would have left Maria alone in an attempt to toughen her up. I think goals are important in this way because it gives you something set to work towards and direction to your actions.

So the next day, I woke up for scripture study. We were reading out of the Book of Mormon. Mama Delia’s mom died and so she took a couple of days off. She was really upset about this, as I am sure it would be for anyone, but being at the orphanage, I would assume it gives you some very interesting perspective as you care for some kids who have no parents. And being (I am guessing) in your 50’s to have a living mom for that long is such a blessing when there are12 year olds who are essentially alone and someone is paid to be their mom. Delia gets paid to be Mama delia… it is a responsibility and not just a job. As a result there was no mama, so Adril became Papa Adril. I was impressed how well he lead the scripture study, calling on the kids to read and quizzing them on what they just read. However, they were scrambling for the rest of the morning to get things together and themselves ready for school. They all left close to 8 and were all late for school. Last time I was there, they sat down for breakfast but this time they ate standing and grabbed 2 rolls on the way out. Breakfast is always this oatmeal stuff (cinnamon) that is so good and 2 pieces of bread. It is hard for me to wake up and sometimes I need something to look forward to wake up, and this breakfast gives me something to look forward to waking up. Later in the morning I taught adril some piano lessons. This was a really good learn how to teach music effectively because we are starting music lessons soon. Then I went to help out in the kitchen with cutting. It was hard to help out when I didn’t really know what I was doing. It felt like it was more work to show me what to do then leave me to the peeling and cutting of potatoes that ended in interesting shapes when they should have been squares. This was the beginning of getting the gist of what they think about Americans. But it was really amusing and funny and interesting to see their interactions. I loved it when they laughed. Mama gladys came for the morning to help cook lunch and dinner. I especially loved it when she laughed because whatever she was laughing at was hilarious. After hilario, the other volunteer (I AM SO GRATEFUL for this other volunteer. It is seriously a tender mercy that I could work with her because I have learned so much from her. The sunflower experience has been complete with her presence) and I went to Urubamba (the city) to look at piano music and other supplies. Hilario was really moody and it took a while to get him to explain himself. He often gets like that. Sometimes it is frustrating, but really we don’t have any right to be frustrated with him because who has ever taught him to express his feelings in words and not silent treatments. I got him pencils. We made a deal. He would draw me a picture of the orphanage and I would get him a music device (which ended up being an mp4). So here is the background on him: he had a firework blow up on his hand last year. He was in the hospital for a couple of days. He said it was so painful he wanted to die. So he has pretty much not been able to use his right hand (his eating hand, writing hand, and dominant working hand). It has been a hard year for him I think because he hasn’t been able to do a lot of things because his hand hurts so much. He has been sad. And music keeps him energized. I prefaced this deal with nothing in life is free, he needs to work for what he earns. And that I don’t have a lot of money. He carried around my ipod all week and killed the battery everyday. In this way, I think music is life saving because it encourages hope even when that hope comes by a change of state of mind through music’s energy. He gave me 2 drawings the night before I had to leave. And I gave him his mp4 kit, journal, and a chocolate bar. Now Hilario is not someone that is gushy with appreciation, but he was sincerely appreciative… 2 hugs within the minute! That is rare. But anyways, when he got moody, I shrugged it off. Let him be moody, then tried to talk to him not about how he was feeling just about different things and the conversation would always revert back to why he wasn’t feeling up to par a couple of minutes ago. It was a surprisingly effective strategy. When we got home we ate lunch. The younger kids had to get back to school to rehearse dances for their celebration the next day. But because there was no “real” parental figure (mama delia wasn’t there), they couldn’t go because there was no communication with papa leo. Adril said no to letting them go and the kids were disappointed but accepted this fate, which I was really impressed with. After talking with Adril, he was convinced that if suki and I went with the kids and came back at 5 then they could go. Well it took about an hour to get everyone together, but by 4 we were at the school. The kids at the school loved suki, and loved saying her name because in quechua supe means fart. Its horrible because Peruvian names are so hard for me to remember, and the girls always quizzed me on what their names were and I felt bad because I finally started to solidify them the last day. But the school kids were super cute because they loved to talk to us in English, well say “my name is… and good… and how are you”. The kids were also really cute in their dances. I was really impressed that they knew so many dances and some of them did them so naturally. Some boys were goofing off but they were hilarious. One of the girls ended up being in a dance that lasted until 5:30 (and the orphanage is about a 20 minute walk) so I stayed with her and suki took the other kids back to the orphanage. Well, we are walking up to the orphanage and Hilario and edy were on the bikes coming down. Mr. yeri was missing. And this freaked me out because 3 of the boys ran away a couple of weeks ago. 2 of them came back (one was yerri’s brother) but one of them ran away for good. I didn’t want Yerri gone for good. No way. But for some reason adril wasn’t worried. Different boys said that he was different places so it just seemed like no one really knew what they were talking about. It turned out that he had gone to the tia’s house, and then went to a friends and came back halfway through dinner. I felt bad for him because he walked in looking like he knew that he did something wrong. And then everyone was like … yerri!!! And then later that night he got into a fight with another boy and they were shoving and punching each other. And when the older boy was ripping at his face I couldn’t handle it and broke them apart (well tried). And he stayed crying in a corner. It seemed like it was a rough night for him. But he refused to be comforted. Which I think is a really interesting response… but almost predictable considering there is one mama over 22 kids. I am sure a lot of stuff gets thrown under the table unnoticed just simply because of the ratio in numbers. And then they are taught to not go to someone to be comforted, especially the boys, and especially, especially after a fight.

Zila: Zila was my girl the first time I went to the orphanage. We became friends right away and I couldn’t leave her side. We rough-housed on the lawn and made bracelets. We danced at the farewell. She always sat next to me or on my lap. I don’t like that I had a favorite, but she was definitely my favorite. So in going back the second time I was going back to see her among the others. And I was so disappointed to find that she was not there because her mom and come to pick her up. Well, this was a good thing, but you know how all the kids are in the orphanage for a reason, well because of this I didn’t completely trust why her mom had come to pick her up. And for this I was questionably glad for her and her younger brother and older sister who had also been picked up. Well they only moved down the street to the orphanage. So they still went to the same school as the other kids. So I got to see her at school the 2^nd time I was there. Excpt she was really quiet and neither of us really knew what to say other than to sit next to each other. Not to mention she had literally grown a foot or two taller. So this time (another 2 feet taller-amazing), I went to her house, and she was again really quiet and I didn’t know what to say past how are you. How is your family. But when I went to school, did she open up. And then she never left my side. And I felt all the worry, uncertainty, and sadness vaporize. And I loved that she still wanted to hold my hand even though she was 12. And I met her mom and her puppy. And they seem taken care of. She would have always been my girl but I am glad she considers me her girl too.

Later this night, we had a girls night. Despite all the hair-pulling that we had put adril through, we wanted to have a girls night with the girls. We told them at dinner and they were so excited. Suki pulled out some makeup and some Justin bieber and I brought the bracelet making and nailpolish. It was really cute to see them so excited doing girl things. They especially liked putting on makeup. We were thinking that maybe this was the first time some of them have put on makeup. Porfita was the photographer for the night.. and she captured it pretty well. One of my favorite pictures is judy jamming out on the piano. Margot esp liked playing the piano but evelin said she wanted to learn it. I wanted to teach them music lessons but I never got to doing that. I wish there was a written routine that they had to follow, but its rather just they have to do what mama delia says and it seems like sometimes it is just an endless list of chores. Which stinks when you have big plans to do different activities. That is why my for real goal is to learn Spanish and go back. I think that would be a whole different experience.

Papa edgar came by that night to talk to adril… him and suki and I were going to make French fries for dinner because dinner was cow feet soup… something neither suki or I wanted to eat in the slightest bit, but because papa edgar talked to adril for a couple hours, me and suki couldn’t get into the kitchen (it gets locked at 9)… and so we had a chocosoda pack for dinner (4 chocolate cookies). It was so cold. I couldn’t even walk on the floor it was that cold. In the morning and nights, it was bone chilling (only because I wasn’t prepared for that weather with my wardrobe) if I had warmer clothes than it would only have been cold but not bone chilling.

The next morning, I missed 6 am scripture study and found the doors were locked. I was disappointed, but it made me read my scriptures personally. Which was good. I helped the kids hurry up to get ready for school. I think they had gotten in trouble yesterday because they went quicker but they were still running late. Only maria needed help with her hair and getting changed everyone else didn’t want any help. Hilda let me pick out her bow and try to comb her hair but other than that everyone was independently free spirited. Mama delia still didn’t come and gladys had to work so there was no mama. Papa adril asked me and suki to cook lunch and dinner for everyone. Yes, first of all I don’t really cook a variety of American foods. Secondly, I don’t (we don’t) know how to cook any decently good Peruvian food. We were brainstorming bananas and scrambled eggs. But the older boys thankfully had a better second plan. They made mormon soup, which was funny that they called it that. It had huge chunks of potatoes, peanut blend, and vegetables, and noodles… kind of like pad thai. Papa adril let me into the office (he had a key) well before that we sat down and had a conversation! This is only exciting because his Spanish is difficult for me to understand and he doesn’t like to repeat what he says very many times so its more like you get it or you don’t… no easy way out. One of the things that I told him I have a lot of questions on how the orphanage is run, but I don’t know how to say them… so when I learn Spanish I am coming back to ask those questions. We talked about the kids that left since the last time I was there. Six 6 left since the last time I was there (and one more left the same day I left). We talked about where they are and why they are there. As it turns out, most of the kids have parents. So the parents can take their kids back home with them. All but one of the kids went to live with their families. He was with papa Juan helping out on his plot of land. Papa Juan is mama delia’s husband. He is the oldest brother of three boys. All the boys are really small except according to their documents they are old, like 15 and 16. Which they look 10. Kind of boggles my mind why that is so. Adril let me look their binders about their history. Most of the stories I already knew but putting their faces to their stories was sad. Most of them, it seemed like, came from some form of abuse from their parents who were too poor to care for them. Hilarios binder was missing. Some of the kids had books that they had written about before and during their time at Girasol. I can’t imagine having some of the images that they have with me forever. I would hope to assume that they forget about them and don’t think about them on a daily basis. Suki woke up late this morning. 

Carlos pulled out pictures from a past group and it was so interesting to hear them talk about the pictures and the people in the pictures. Carlos fell in love with one of the girls from the last group so everyone is always teasing him about her… but he likes it. I didn’t journal from here on out…so everything is mixed together… so though it might not have made sense until now, it might make less sense from here on out. Every day I have Hilario time and just talk to him. One of the most rewarding times have been these times, because I can put together his sentences and make sense of what he is saying. He is really helpful about this because he doesn’t conjugate when I start getting lost and will talk with infinitive verbs… which is a huge help. One day he talked about boxing, another his hand, another his muscles (which on the good hand is so oddly shaped and big I can’t even look because its gross to me), another America, another his family-to-be (he is in the process of being brought to the states to get an education… I believe he is unable to be adopted-either because he is too old or because he doesn’t have birth certificate), another music, and another about the future. One of the girls here in Piura I am partnering up with and we are going to research what happens to orphans when they leave the orphanage. For this and the connection with some of the older boys I want to really go forward with this. Because it is almost shocking how the reality of their transitional phase. In the kitchen preparing food, mama delia walks in and starts taking charge. Everyone’s shoulders went down in relief. The next day some of the girls said that mama delia was having a really rough time and was crying in the morning. She has a lot over her head. She is the kind of person that makes you feel extremely humbled observing her load of responsibilities and how she handles them. She is extremely intimidating when she is dishing/yelling commands. But I think it is also cultural to use a loud, stern tone doesn’t mean you are getting yelled out. I feel like I always need to tip-toe around her when she is commanding, but her face softens over when me or suki need to say something to her. And I am guessing you have to be strict and keep the kids in check when there are 19 kids under the age of 16 who have lists and lists of chores to complete and homework that needs helping. When I got scared of mama delia I thought about the nurse in Romania who sounded like she was yelling at me, but was really saying thanks for holding that baby, would you come back tonight and put him to sleep. Another reason to learn Spanish. The kids came home and did some more chores. Sometimes they just disappear doing their chores… like watering plants at the top of the mountain… or something like that. I went with 3 of the boys to collect a certain kind of sticks. We started by climbing up this mountain (the orphanage is surrounded by ginormous mountains… bigger than utah) I feel like I am in a painting it is unreal. Then we starting going down… going down was the scary part because of a tramatic experience in Romania. In Romania, we were climbing (sliding) down a mountain but it had been raining so it was extremely slippery. Sometimes the trail was long before there was anything to stop you, so I was picking up speed expecting someone who had his arms out to stop my momentum. However this speed alarmed him so right as I am reaching out he pulls back and I go tumbling down into pricklers. It haunted me for some reason that I would keep tumbling and not be able to stop. So I half slid sitting down and half walked really carefully. Then we climbed up some more… got the branches, and down again. It was really pretty scenery though. I am amazed at the kids willingness to get stuff done. They don’t seem particularly excited, but they don’t seem phased either. Suki and I left early and then the older kids (in colegio) met us down there. It took about 2 hours for it to actually start… waiting for the teacher to show up and bring the costumes. In that 2 hours parents were sitting down around the dancing area and kids were zooming around and pulling me and suki in all directions. Suki found a toddler that didn’t have a mom and he wouldn’t leave her side… it was really cute. And then when it was time to migrate we both got nervous because we didn’t know who the child’s mom was. But luckily she appeared out of nowhere. This same thing happened when we were walking next to 2 little girls in the street. (we moved from the school dance place to the plaza in the middle of town). I met them earlier and so I knew their names… but they were also motherless. We carried them the rest of the night (one of them was really tiny)… and got nervous at the end because no mother to take them… then she appeared out of nowhere. She was probably watching them through the night… I hope. There was a parade in moving from the school to the plaza. The drum players played their drums and all the kids danced. They loved getting into their costumes. When the car pulled in with all of the costumes, the kids swarmed and then the car had to stop where it was because it couldn’t get any farther without running someone over. Little Mary Carmen sat on my shoulders. Her largely protruding, feeling swollen belly made me sad. I think she was malnourished because the rest of her was so tiny. The kids were so cute in their dances. I wish I had a video recording. Sometimes people in peru don’t seem amused with kid cuteness like foreigners do over their babies. So it was really funny to see the whole crowd cracking up when the little, little kids danced because they were so cute, and they went in the wrong directions and tumbled into each other. They were just simply cute. After it was done the crowd shouted for more we migrated back to the school and the kids did the same and more dance back at the school. Two of the older boys who came said they didn’t like the dances but it was so funny to watch them watching and laughing at some parts. I felt like saying, “I told you so.” It was really interesting to watching the older kids in colegio interacting with other kids because I only ever see them with the kids from the orphanage. They didn’t want to walk with me or suki, which was sad, but normal at the same time… so good in that way. And it was way weird to see the older, older boys talking to their friends because we don’t ever see that. We got back way past everyone’s bed time. I walked up with Hilda and adril. Hilda was so full of energy it was so, so funny. Watching Hilda become this chatterbox… was really precious. She has never been the joker or loud one (to me), but man is this girl hilarious. She was teasing adril about his loves. Walking up the hill with her gave me flashbacks of the year before in our sleepovers at the grandmothers house then walking down the hill in the dark and up the hill in the morning. We reminisced about the lightening and not having a light and running down the hill the whole way because we were both scared. We all got back way passed everyone’s bedtime. I can see why the kids don’t have a problem with going to bed way early because it is tiring when you wake up way early. Not to mention it was freezing… so all during the dancing I was looking forward to getting into bed with the blankets. The next day the kids had to do the same thing again at 8. You would think, oh it’s the weekend, no school, no waking up at 5… but Saturday is no special day. The kids were all up at 5 doing their daily chores. It was mama delia’s bday the next thurs… and because of her recent loss, me and suki wanted to have a party for her with the kids… a surprise. So that morning we didn’t go to the dances but went with hilario to go get 2 cakes. The cake finding took a really long time. There are not many shops in urubumba I feel like. There is a huge Mercado, but not a huge variety of stores. It could just be that I am biased because there are way more stores and public transportation in Piura… I think that is it. We found one cake that was frosted really beautifully. But there was only one and it would take almost 2 hours to make a second one, which don’t ask me why it would take that long because there were other cakes that we just wanted to see if the lady would frost. So we bought one plain and one frosted and wrote on the frosted on happy birthday. Later we come to find out, the frosted one was the same as the plain one only a piece of circle board on the top. Talk about overpricing. Yes. Since we wanted this to be a surprise for everyone, that wasn’t really possible, so we told adril and hilario and let the kids on the party for mama delia. Before lunch we asked mama delia if we could have a party for the kids. She wanted to have it after dinner but we kindly insisted that it should be after lunch. So then we retreated back to suki’s room and blew up 50 balloons and made a large feliz ^temprano cumpleanos mama delia sign. Then we rounded up the kids for lunch. After lunch mama delia was telling them to leave the kitchen to go do something… but once they would leave adril would tell them to come back in. It was really confusing mama delia. Adril sat all the kids down and gave them a talk about the chores they needed to finish today. Then he turned to mama delia and told her he needed to talk to her… she left with a confused look on her face. Adril did well, I was so proud. Once she left we told the kids the plan. They had to run to suki’s room and collect the balloons. The quickly discovered that the balloons were very fragile and so they popped easily… and when they popped candy came out. (we filled them with candy… mini piñatas). But the older kids put the balloon poppers in their place. We moved a table and a chair so mama delia could sit there and put the sign above where she would sit. The balloons were oh so fragile. And each time one popped the kids scrambled for the candy. Before we gave them a run down on how we would surprise her, adril came up the pathway saying mama delia was coming. So we all got in our seats. (these moments were just chaos) and when she came in the door we yelled happy birthday! Her face was priceless. As they lead her to her seat and sat down, she was tearing up. It was so precious. They sang happy birthday to her then hilario presented her with a cake and she blew out one candle. She was slightly crying. Then the kids came up one at a time to say happy birthday then give her a kiss. I think that meant a lot to her. Then I tried to give a speech. Well I told adril to and he began by saying… wait I forgot what you wanted me to say. So I spoke and then told adril what to say at the end. I think the point got across. Then we served the kids 2 slices, one of the plain and one of the decorated. Then they popped the balloons. It was a mad house for 10 seconds. And in those 10 seconds all the balloons were popped. We have a picture were adril is sneaking off with his balloons and hiding them in the kitchen. I think that was a hit for the kids. Then after they finished eating they were up and at’m and gone doing some chores. I went with Romario and Rodrigo to go wash his clothes down by the river. We carried Rodrigo in the wheelbarrow and made sure to bounce over all the bumps on the path. He made a sand castle when we got to the river. I didn’t think it was very healthy for the river to pour in soapy water, but nonetheless they do this quite frequently. Its easier to do it in the river than at the orphanage or grandmothers house because you can always count on there being water, but its pretty far away so it’s a lot of work carrying the clothes back to the orphanage because that goes up a hill. We washed in color increments. We didn’t wash very thoroughly but everything got scrubbed and soaped. It began to get dusk while we were washing and a little chilly because the water was so cold, but it was so peaceful. I was thinking it would be a hassle to hand scrub your clothes every time in a river that is kind of far away. We didn’t talk for a while...rodrigo was building a sand castle a little farther away and singing. Then I asked romario what he liked to do. He surprised me by saying he liked to draw. For some reason I didn’t see him as a drawer-er. He also likes to study science in school. I told him if he draws me a picture then I can give him something. The next day he and eddy gave me pictures they had drawn. They did this twice and got 2 chocolate bars. They drew some incan men… I was impressed. One of eddy’s drawings was a mom and her son. I was really impressed with this drawing. It was really good. There was a bird between the two of them and the mom is looking at her son longingly. It made me wonder what inspired this picture. I would be really interested in knowing what. Romario is an interesting boy. He often is the one getting in the fights and he likes to dress like the older kids but he is a gentle soul and really patient. On the way back up to the orphanage he taught me how to make a real loud whistle. And now I am so proud of it. It took 15 minutes. We paused right where we were. This whistle requires grabbing your lower lip and sucking in. At one point I was making this weird sucking in noise and so Romario grabbed my lip and was like “asi, asi”. It made me feel better that Rodrigo couldn’t do it either. Romario and Rodrigo are brothers. Since being there the third time I loved watching Rodrigo open up. Both of them are really funny boys. Then they tried teaching me how to spin the tops.There are spinning top toys and you wrap the string around (what looks like a dradel) and then you shoot it off and it spins and they like to pick it up and keep it spinning on their hands. Well, it is much harder than it looks to keep it spinning on your hand. Then when we eventually got back to the orphanage.  I watched a man do hair wraps and learned how to do simple ones. So I did hair wraps on the girls while they watched the soap opera… about a boy in a hospital who was getting drugged. I was talking to Suki later how we think they watch things that are too old for them. One of the boys was a servant boy who was beaten. When he came to the orphanage he had scars on his head. (this is just the info I know) If they have that kind of past, I don’t know how they can watch these shows and not have that memory stirred. Hilario was suppose to come watch a movie with us. Papa leo came with his family and pulled him aside to talk to him. He seemed upset at first but then totally fine. I played volleyball with Margot and he joined in with us. Margot and I played for about an hour. Me and suki moved into the same room together so their family could have enough rooms to stay. I am glad we moved in together halfway through the week because we always stayed up late and then it was hard to wake up, but it was fun so it was worth out. I don’t know if I could have lasted a week though of late nights and early mornings. On Sunday morning. Mama Unice woke us with a knock, knock, knock on the door to tell us that they are making pancakes at grandmothers house. So we quickly got ready and met the kids outside. They were in their work clothes… because of course they had to do chores on Sunday as well. They looked surprised to see me in church clothes (I am guessing because I wore the same pants and sweater all week) I like the mornings but I don’t because it seems like they take awhile for some of them to warm up…(to me). So by the afternoon we are having blast… just in the morning it goes as far as “Buenos dias”. Then Suki and I left for grandmothers house. Leo’s family was getting ready (washing their hair in the sink… and putting on nice clothes) so we ate before them. The pancakes were absolutely amazing. We spread jelly on them and even got some hot chocolate and some mango juice. I tried helping clean the dishes but willy didn’t want very much help. It took awhile for him to open up to me. I think this day was the beginning of him feeling like he could talk to me. Later he said that he liked the pancakes but he would rather have had the breakfast at the orphanage because those are larger portions. And he likes to eat large amounts of food. Then the kids met us outside abuelita’s house and half of us walked to the bus and some of them went in papa Leo’s truck. I was surprised to see some of them dressed so nicely. I was really glad almost everyone went to church because normally the boys have to go to school. But it was the only day of the entire year they had a vacation. So they didn’t really have a class to go… but they made it work. I just hope it was worth it for them. We walked in… and it felt like I never left Peru. I played the piano during sacrament meeting. I asked mama delia and she asked the men sitting on the stands and they said no… but then when they opened up the meeting they motioned me up to play the piano. Yay preparation. So I opened up the book and didn’t understand the name and hoped I would recognize it when I started playing. Good thing all the songs they picked that morning were easy ones. I was going to sit with the kids but then I sat next to the sister missionary on the stand and watched my kids and the audience the whole time. Hilario passed the sacrament and I was really grateful for that. I was really grateful that he was worthy to do that even though he goes to school every other Sunday. I was talking to willy later and I suggested to him that maybe he could receive the sacrament with the other boys who don’t go to church at night. He insisted that that is not allowed. But I gave him an example of a couple that couldn’t get to church because of physical ailments and so the boys would come over to their house and give them the sacrament. That way they could still receive the sacrament even if they couldn’t go to church. After sacrament meeting, I talked to Yovanna (the primary pres) I love her because she gets all my packages and gives them to the kids. She wanted me to visit her in her house but I told her I don’t have very much time. Looking back that I only spent 1 week, seems almost ridiculous because its such a short amount of time, but so much happened in that one week. After sacrament meeting, I couldn’t decide where to go. I helped get the kids to their classes. I felt torn because I wanted to be with the kids and I didn’t want to go to adult class. So I started with the young kids then moved to the older kids, then went upstairs with the older boys but eventually joined suki with the adults. I don’t know what was the matter with me, I couldn’t decide where I wanted to go. Its not like I could understand any class better than another. Then I went to primary with Christopher, Maria, Matias, and Moroni. Matias and moroni are part of leo’s extended family. I am really grateful for Leo because I feel apart of his family because I know most of them. We talked about temples. I sang “I love to see the temple” in English and then we all sang it in Spanish. It got a little crazy with all of the little kids and choosing colored pencils. But hermana yovanna kept her cool so it was okay. And then we sweeped and mopped and headed out. On my way out a man stopped me and started talking to me… he was talking to the kids… and about the gavancho family… I didn’t understand… but I think I got the gist of it… and it was really weird/uncomfortable for me. And then we drove back in the bus. That bus ride was slightly sad for me because I was thinking about going and leaving the mountains. But then I pushed that aside and talked to the girls. When we got home, we ate! Then the rest of the day started as a lazy Sunday. But then it was announced that we were going to clean abuelita’s house as a service project. So we changed and walked there. And took everything out of her house… even her refrigerator and we started scrubbing, scrubbing. The water went out halfway so we had to retrieve water from another member of the family’s house about 5 minutes away. Ronald was the chief water retriever. He used buckets and brought 3 of them up in a wheelbarrow. Ronald is such a funny kid, and he was just starting to open up. Goal: learn to understand Spanish, come back and “research” on these kids and other kids in orphanages. The water was everywhere. In the beginning it was hard to know what to do, but I learned if you were doing something wrong they would tell you and if you were doing something productive then they wouldn’t say anything. After we were finally finished it looked completely turned around and refurbished and so much better. I was so proud of everyone. I think it took 3-5 hours. My job was scrubbing the dishes and refrigerator. Some of the things we pulled out were so disgusting. I was proud of everyone for being such a good sport about it. Abuelita is up and walking every morning, but she is fragile and cannot clean her house on her own. It was really funny though, she was like the people on the tv shows who hoard a lot of unnecessary things and don’t want to get ride of them. She didn’t want to get rid of anything. She would take stuff that was moved outside already. She was getting so frustrated. Her whole house was in the yard and she wanted to keep all of it. Papa leo and edgar had to talk to her and tell her not to take things that were outside because we needed to clean them and get rid of some of them because there was no room for some of them. She is such a cute lady. She gave us chocla (I think that is what it is called) Its cooked corn… but they are huge pieces of corn. And it is my favorite. After we finished cleaning I washed my hair for the first time since coming and we played and took pictures. Mama gladys is pregnant. Hilario put a balloon in his stomach and called himself pregnant, then yemilie did it, and then suki and then I did it. Hilario didn’t want to pose as a pregnant women for the pictures, but he was funny. That night was so fun I wish we didn’t have to finish playing. We all went up in the truck. They insisted that I go in the truck… but why would I go in the truck (because it was cold outside) when all the kids were in the trunk… that didn’t make sense to me… so I refused to go inside. Hilario was being crazy and ran the whole way up with the truck. Its his dream to run marathons. The whole way up alongside is a feat. It is uphill… and it is running at the speed of a truck (which is not full speed because there are bumps in the road and so we have to go at a slower pace) but it is still full sprint. Sometimes he would lag behind but then he would speed up… at the end he beat us to the gate. Yosimar was eating his corn … I was holding it.. and I caught him at the end… sneaky boy. Then we swept out the car and lugged the water out of the truck. Then it was dinner time. We had this interesting mixture of red corn. I don’t know why I can’t remember the name right now.. but I don’t. It was interesting. I ate the boys table… which I never do… but I am glad I did because they were hilarious. Yosimar did a Michael Jackson impression. And Francisco has the funniest expressions and voices. And holy cow when Darwin loosens up he is a crazy man. They were beating each other up in the lawn later on and Darwin was jokingly freaking out… I didn’t recognize who he was being. That just goes to show kids are kids. These kids particularly have layers. But they need love. They need families. They are their own families. But they really need a parental figure teaching them the ins and outs of life. We played volleyball and lost the ball under the fence. It rolled into the field below. So margot shimmied under the fence and hilario ran to get his flashlight (it gets dark at 6… I don’t like it!) The fence is barbed wire type so they reformed it so that there is a gap between the bottom two wires so you can fit through them. The girls are really good at volleyball. Here only boys play soccer and girls play volleyball. When asked how they learn, they just learn and practice. Once hilario, Francisco, and I had a soccer game going on. We used both sides of the orphanage… hilario and Francisco against me. Totally not fair, but its okay because they don’t have any shame in making me chase them for the ball. It most of the time ends in me tripping or pushing them so I have a chance to get the ball. They are both really good. At the end they practiced the rainbow kicking. Francisco was so funny, he would land squat on his back and not be able to get up and then I would pick up the dead boy and he would do it again. I wanted to try but I felt so far from the ground and anticipated so much pain from falling on my back so I didn’t. that made me think of all the things we don’t try because we are scared to. And if we just practice, think of all the things we could accomplish.

When you have only two pennies left in the world, buy a loaf of bread with one, and a lily with the other.  ~Chinese Proverb